At our first faculty meeting this year, our principal shared that two of our middle school families had contacted the school to say that their children identify as nonbinary. Both families requested that staff be made aware of the students’ pronouns and a change of names to reflect their identities.
One of the students was a seventh-grade student of mine from last year. Chloe, as I knew them to be last year, often stuck around at the end of the day to chat, sometimes with questions about school, but mostly just about weekend plans and hobbies. Chloe seemed mature beyond their years, and although it was clear that Chloe didn’t fit the mold of a typical seventh-grade girl, they seemed confident and comfortable with themself.
When I heard the principal’s announcement, I felt a pang of regret. I wondered if perhaps Chloe had been looking for an opportunity to share their struggle with their identity during the after-school visits and I hadn’t given the space to let that happen.
Although I can’t change last year, I made a decision that I wouldn’t have another lost opportunity for a student to feel safe and respected in my classroom. Each year I begin with some kind of survey that includes a mix of questions about identity and reading habits. This year I added a question about pronouns that I know was overdue.
I know this isn’t groundbreaking, but I thought I’d share how that went for anyone who is considering making this part of their beginning-of-the-year routine:
- I modeled filling out my own survey under the document camera. When I came to the question about pronouns, I talked aloud as I filled mine out but didn’t pause to have any discussion. I read it aloud and completed it in the same way I would complete a question asking my name.
- If a student chose not to fill out an answer to a question, that was fine. As with all the questions on my survey, it’s up to them what they feel comfortable sharing.
- I made it clear before giving out the survey that the information on the form was just for me. Part of the question about pronouns asked if they were comfortable with me using their pronoun in class and using it when I contact their families. Out of the 97 students I have this year, 95 answered the question.
- I did get an email from a parent that questioned my asking students about their pronouns. They asked if this would be an “ongoing discussion” in my class. Truthfully, I didn’t understand the question. An ongoing discussion? Was I being asked if I was going to inundate my students with discussions and reading about gender identity? The topic of gender identity and the New Jersey Standards related to the contributions of people from the LGBT community has become an issue of contention at school board meetings in my district. I answered the question honestly and concisely: The purpose of my questionnaire was to get to know my students, and the purpose of that particular question was to make sure I referred to all my students accurately and respectfully. I didn’t have any further questions.
- I plan on continuing to educate myself to make my classroom a safe and inclusive place for all. One thing I’m continuing to do is include books more frequently that have characters who identify as gay or transgender. I plan to read the first chapter of Cinderella Is Dead as my First Chapter Friday book.
I think one of the most important things I can do to continue growing is acknowledge that this is a learning journey for me; I’m sure to make mistakes as I travel this road. Even as I wrote this article, I struggled with using correct pronouns and language. I’m okay with the struggle; the moments of uncertainty and discomfort are needed for growth. If I had included my pronoun question last year, would I have given my former student the opening to share their identity a year earlier? Perhaps. As I said, I’m learning, and as a variation on the popular saying goes, “Now that I know better, I do better.”
Download
Use a copy of Kate and Tara’s identity survey to inspire one for your classroom.
