Be infinitely flexible and constantly amazed.
—Jason Kravitz
The Tension of Holding Space
I’ve been trying to become more flexible. Every morning for more than three months, I’ve been stretching with the intention of increasing my flexibility.
Beginning in childhood, I have craved more flexibility. Yet, even through sheer determination and brute force, I never mastered the splits. I always came in as “below average” for the flexibility portion of the middle school PE test. I couldn’t touch my nose to my knees in a forward fold.
Health experts will tell us that we all have different aptitudes for flexibility. They’ll also tell us that we can become more flexible.
For me, opening the day with stretching is not new. Ever since my second ankle surgery, I’ve been trying to work the kinks out of my body with daily stretching.
Yet, three months ago, I upped the ante—intentionally creating more space in my body to improve my flexibility. I’m not sure what I was hoping for, but I do know it was more.
One of the things I’ve been learning is to hold space as I stretch my body. I’ve been surprised by how uncomfortable this is. It doesn’t seem that holding space would be a challenge. You simply maintain a bit of tension and then pause. Taking a deep breath, I exhale and attempt to create more space.
This isn’t as easy as it sounds.
In the pause and the tension of holding space, I’ve been thinking a lot about the other places in my life where I hold space. I hold space for celebration. I hold space for family dinner. I hold space for hiking. I hold space for goodness.
Each morning as I faced the discomfort on my yoga mat, I found a similar discomfort in my spirit as I maintained space for other good things in my life. The tension was real, and I could feel it throughout the day, long after I left the mat, long after I let go of the worry that wanted to hedge out goodness.
Then—suddenly—I was able to touch my nose to my knees in a forward fold. I checked that my feet were firmly rooted on the ground. I double-checked the placement of my neck and shoulders. I made sure I wasn’t cheating with my hand placement.
I was shocked as I folded forward again and again, my nose touching my knees each time. I giggled. Then I tried again, with the deep breaths, and found the discomfort of holding space remained.
It was the sense of suddenly that struck me. I didn’t think Finally!, but instead it felt like suddenly I was flexible. This surprised me, and I began thinking about the other places in my life where I feel fatigued by holding space.
As I finished the routine and released all of my muscles so they were jelly-like into Savasana, I realized the tension of holding space is necessary. The purpose of Savasana is stillness; it literally means the Corpse Pose. It is a holy moment for me, in the deep early morning while the world sleeps and the stars are bright. I cleared the tension and cleared my mind.
One thing remained: joy.
I write this for all of us who find it uncomfortable to hold space in our lives. When it feels like too much to find the celebration; when we are weary on Friday night and have a hard time finding the energy for dinner conversation; when it seems like a hike will swipe too much time from the weekend, I want us all to remember Savasana and that when the tension is released, joy remains.
This week we look at holding space for independence—plus more, as always.
Shine on,
Ruth Ayres
Editor in Chief
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Quote It:
Everything good, everything magical happens between the months of June and August.
—Jenny Han, The Summer I Turned Pretty
That’s all for this week!
