This is the third installment of a four-part series chronicling the responses when a student with dysregulated behaviors joins Becca Burk’s kindergarten class mid-year.
A new student had entered our world and really shaken things up. I had to adjust our expectations for a chunk of time so that our newest friend, Nolan, could adjust to our world.
It was an incredible experience as a teacher to step back and watch students step in and support Nolan in ways they were capable of because of the work we had already done together.
Tucker
In a moment when Nolan was beginning to feel dysregulated, Tucker did what I had done countless times this year to ground the children in our schedule. Tucker guided Nolan over to our visual schedule and used it as a tool to co-regulate with Nolan.
Thinking through what led to Tucker being this literacy leader, it was a little surreal to watch him. Watching Tucker take care of Nolan, I saw how far we’ve come. Tucker knew that the visual schedule helped his brain, so it would probably help Nolan’s brain too. Tucker had watched me point under each word of everything we read even before the kids knew what words were, so he did it for Nolan too. While Tucker was just modeling what he had seen me do for 100 days, he was doing exactly what Nolan needed.
Beyond scaffolding Nolan’s early literacy skills, Tucker was modeling what self-regulation looked like. He was providing Nolan with coping strategies that would carry him through his worry and help him know what was coming. There is comfort in that, knowing what is coming next, and knowing that other kids are comfortable with what is to come. Nolan sat and listened to Tucker more intently than I had seen him listen to anything yet. Peer models, partners in learning—they are some of the most critical pieces to engagement in learning.
Much learning can be done independently, but it is immensely enriched when there is someone to share it with. As adults, we seek a learning partner in most things that we do; it is logical, then, that kids would do the same. The old adage of “two heads is better than one” was coming to life before my eyes. When Nolan had Tucker to mirror, he found success. The mirror neurons firing back and forth, Nolan regulated and was able to open his window of tolerance a little wider. In this slight opening, Nolan’s literacy brain was growing stronger, and my opportunity to teach my small groups and confer with my readers was apparent. Nolan began to discover the wonder of books, to dig in and see what the hype was all about.
Nova
Nova is a vibe all on her own. She has a personality that fills the room as she enters it and can control the emotional thermometer in both positive and negative ways. Nova and I have worked hard this year to use her character traits for good, to be a quiet, gentle, and strong leader. From the moment Nolan walked through our classroom door, Nova called them “N buddies.” She made herself Nolan’s personal tour guide and instant friend. Nolan wasn’t totally sure how to handle this instant love from Nova, but he didn’t hate it, so I watched how it played out.
I watched in awe as Nova showed Nolan around, where to get breakfast, where to sit for morning meeting, what to do when he was done. She was doing many things I had planned to do on my own, but the impact of this information coming from another child in the class was far more powerful. Nova was not shy about calling out inappropriate behaviors when Nolan would start to roll around on the rug or threw a book across the room. I would hear her say, “Nolan, books are treasures; we treat them that way,” as I navigated the situation with Nolan and maintained safety.
I wondered if Nova would pull away as time passed and Nolan exhibited some trickier behaviors that even I was trying to figure out how to handle. Instead I watched as Nova leaned in harder. She embodied the idea that it is never too late to turn a day around, and she gave Nolan every chance to try again. Nova greeted Nolan with the same love and respect she greeted everyone else with. She also held him to the same standard and expectations she held everyone else to.
A few weeks into watching this relationship build, I realized I was watching Nova do precisely what I had done with her at the start of school, but on an even bigger scale. Nova came to kindergarten with harsh interactions and big opinions leading the way, and it made life in our class tricky for a time. With patience and intentional coaching and instruction, Nova learned the skills to regulate herself to interact appropriately with others. She could now help friends if they wanted help but also give them space if they wanted to keep trying on their own. Nova could wait to share her thoughts and was okay not being first in line. Nova knew the importance of listening to others’ thinking and trying out her friends’ ideas because they can come up with really great ideas too.
Nova was able to immediately identify that Nolan needed similar supports, and likely without thinking, she provided those peer supports for him. It is just a part of who she is now. In becoming this buddy to Nolan, Nova was lifting the level of the work she was doing throughout her day. She was thinking of someone else before herself and learning to navigate the world in a new way so that she could best support her new friend who needed things to be a little different. Nova and Nolan ended kindergarten still good friends with intricate, fun games they played together at recess and deals to sit together at the quiet table at lunch.
Many More
I could go on to tell you about the other kids in the class and how their interactions with Nolan were beautifully wholesome and growth-oriented for all involved. The fact of the matter is, Nolan came in and exposed the other children to some really intense, and sometimes unsafe, situations. Many adults’ first response upon hearing about these situations was “That’s not fair to the other kids.”
I am often left unsure of what to say in those moments. It is true that the other kids did not choose to be in a class with a child who feels so dysregulated, he acts out in major ways. But also, I think they are better humans because they are in that class. Nolan didn’t choose to present his dysregulation in that way. What a gift for him to be in a class full of other kids ready to come alongside and love him as he learns new ways to cope and regulate. What a blessing for the other kids to be able to use their skills on a new level and model coping and regulation skills for him. And what an honor it is to be their teacher and get to come alongside all of them, do the hard things together, and be better humans in the end.
