The human capacity for burden is like bamboo—far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.
—Jodi Picoult
Connection Is Always Enough
My husband and I adopted three kids from foster care. In 2008 we adopted our daughters. Stephanie, age 4, was in a preschool for two-, three-, and four-year-old children with anger issues. (Yes, you read that sentence correctly. There are preschools designed for the youngest among us with anger issues.) Hannah, age six, was in kindergarten and a professional at using the nurse pass to passively avoid any work. In 2013, we adopted our son Jordan, just before his 8th birthday. Jordan had seen the worst of humanity while spending nearly his whole young life bouncing around the foster care system. He was in so many homes that even the system lost count.
Today, they are all young adults and living their lives outside of our home. For the first time in years, my schedule is not dictated by someone else’s chaos.
We weren’t prepared to parent them when they arrived at our home. Our understanding of the way trauma changes brains and behavior was non-existent. We thought if we just gave them lots of love and clear boundaries, everything would be okay.
Some might refer to this stage of our parenting as fantasy. It’s okay to smirk; I’m smirking, too.
We quickly jumped on the learning curve and began finding out everything we could about how trauma changes a child’s brain. There is a big difference between children who have been well nourished their whole lives and children who have experienced extreme stress, disruption, and neglect.
Wholly loving children who have significant adverse childhood experiences molded me in many ways. I learned to see behavior as an indicator of how someone knows to interact with the world. I learned to understand that when dysregulated behavior happens, it is because the part of the brain that cares only about survival is in control; rational thought and decision-making cannot happen during emotional dysregulation. I learned trauma changes brains and when a caregiver fills a need, brains can begin to heal.
And I know how hard it is to keep filling endless needs for children who are hard to love.
Students who have come from disruptions, hardships, and trauma are filling schools. They often are not well nourished, and they do not respond in expected ways. They are exhibiting behaviors that are confusing and seemingly illogical.
Perhaps, like me, you sometimes feel completely unprepared to meet their needs. I wish I could look you in the eyes while I say, “Even a small connection makes a big difference.”
The learning curve is steep, and it often feels impossible to understand, let alone fill, the needs of those around us. Yet, when we take the time to connect with a child, it is always the “right” move (even if it feels like we fall short).
I hope as you read the articles in this issue, you’ll realize you are not alone.
Shine on,
Ruth Ayres
Editor in Chief
Cathy Mere reminds us of the complexities of teaching readers, especially those who are in intervention. She shares the “rules” she’s put in place for herself when a rough patch is hit and little growth is gained.
Jen Schwanke remembers her own experiences with trauma as a scared young girl, and how one kind teacher made all the difference in putting her on the path to healing. This makes her ponder the power of literacy in reaching wounded students in our midst.
Gretchen Schroeder reminds us of the importance of checking in with students and gauging how they are feeling—and then responding with authenticity and joy.
Be the Change Accelerator: A Virtual Lunch and Learn: This is a workshop series just for instructional influencers hosted by our sister site, The Lead Learners. Be the Change is focused on intentionally putting structures in place to move through the year with joy and purpose. Find out more and register by clicking here. (Choice Literacy paid members may join Be the Change FREE with the code TLLfree.)
New members-only content is added each week to the Choice Literacy website. If you’re not yet a member, click here to explore membership options.
Becca Burk shares how to move forward in healthy ways after the extreme situation of a student dislocating her knee. This is the final installment of a four-part series chronicling the responses when a student with dysregulated behaviors joins Becca Burk’s kindergarten class mid-year.
Molly James explains the difference between shyness and risk aversion.
Dana Murphy outlines three options to respond to a student who is stuck when reading and looking to the teacher for the answer. By being mindful when students appeal for help, we can make intentional, on-the-spot decisions to empower students to become better readers.
Choice Numeracy | We all know that mistakes are part of learning and that safe environments for risk-taking allow students to grow, but how do you take the sting out of making mistakes? David Pittman offers advice on ways to normalize mistakes in math.
Josie Stewart and Hannah Tills share a meaningful booklist to help navigate emotions that come from difficult experiences such as the death of a loved one, moving homes, or an unexpected diagnosis.
New members-only content is added each week to the Choice Literacy website. If you’re not yet a member, click here to explore membership options.
Curriculum director Inga Omondi advises leaders that the best thing for them to do is ask for help.
Instructional coach Paula Fiscus finds ways to establish positive momentum in a season of combining two schools into one.
Ruth Ayres takes a creative approach to making sure our norms are serving the team rather than our teams disengaging from the norms. This is the last of three installments in a series about norms.
Quote It:
On the other side of a storm is the strength that comes from having navigated through it. Raise your sail and begin.
―Gregory S. Williams
That’s all for this week!
