As Fred Rogers said, “Look for the helpers.” When we train our own brains to notice the helping, we invite children to do the same. As humans, it can be our nature to notice all that is wrong and hard in situations. When we are intentional about seeking helpers, we choose to focus on the good and on solutions to the hard, helping us work toward healing.
Read Books About People Who Help
We need to intentionally point out the helpers, because children need to see that when something breaks or something hard happens, someone moves to mend the problem. If all they see is harm, their sense of safety shrinks. If they also see compassion, courage, and repair, then their sense of possibility is strengthened. If children are taught that some people help with the hard, then they will grow up to be helpers.
Books give context and language for how to help and what it can look like.
- Say Something! by Peter H. Reynolds
- This book reminds students that their voices matter. It opens conversations about speaking up in respectful, brave, and solution-focused ways.
- I Walk with Vanessa by Kerascoet
- With almost no words, this story shows how one quiet act of standing beside someone can shift the tone of an entire community. It’s powerful for discussing empathy and inclusion.
- Strictly No Elephants by Lisa Mantchev
- This book invites readers to think about belonging. It provides a gentle entry point into conversations about exclusion and what it means to intentionally build welcoming spaces.
- The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld
- This book is a beautiful model of emotional validation, demonstrating that sometimes the best way to help is simply to sit and listen.
These books highlight different kinds of helping: using your voice, standing beside someone going through difficulty, building a sense of belonging, or listening well. When we intentionally read and discuss books like these, we shift the focus from fear to agency. Stories allow children to explore big feelings through characters before they have the language to talk about those feelings themselves.
Invite Conversation
Kids talk about what is on their minds, whether we structure space for it or not. The question is whether those conversations will happen in whispers and misinformation or within a safe, guided space. To get kids to talk about what’s on their minds, we ask questions to show our curiosity rather than correction.
- What have you heard?
- What are you wondering?
- How are you feeling about that?
We establish expectations in everyday moments, so that they are set when hard conversations happen.
- We listen without interrupting.
- We speak from our own experience.
- We don’t try to win or convince.
- We can say, “I’m not sure.”
As the adults in the conversation, we can anchor it in feelings, values, and shared humanity, not in policy, positions, or adult rhetoric. If a child repeats something opinionated they’ve heard, we can gently respond, “That sounds like a strong opinion. What questions do you still have?” First identify that it’s an opinion, and then shift the focus from defending a stance to exploring understanding.
It is also helpful to remember that a productive conversation is not one where everyone agrees. Students need to feel safe speaking and to remember that understanding is the goal, not persuasion. As adults, we need to expect disagreement to happen and help everyone handle it respectfully. We can also set up some conditions to promote sharing, like
- a seating arrangement that allows everyone to see each other,
- a time frame with visual supports and reminders, and
- ending the conversation with grounding exercises and a clear description of what comes next.
These conversations become more meaningful when they lead to constructive action—things like writing thank-you notes to helpers, making posters for areas that need behavior reminders, checking in on someone who’s having a hard day, and so on. Though these actions may seem small, they are unifying and can restore a sense of steadiness when hard things or strong opinions shake the steadiness. When adults shy away from uncomfortable conversations, students may begin to avoid some topics. Instead, we can model how to sit with complexity calmly and respectfully.
Validate Concerns
At the heart of these conversations is a simple but powerful need: Students want to know that they are seen and heard. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything a child says. It means acknowledging their feelings and experiences.
Teachers can do this through small but meaningful responses:
- Reflect what you hear: “It sounds like that made you feel worried.”
- Acknowledge bravery: “I’m really glad you shared that.”
- Normalize uncertainty: “It’s okay not to understand everything yet.”
What we want to avoid is minimizing language. Saying, “Don’t worry about that” can unintentionally communicate that a student’s concern isn’t important. Instead, acknowledging their feelings helps students feel safe enough to move forward. When children feel heard, their nervous systems settle. Calm, regulated students are far more ready to learn.
Steady the Room… Then Teach
After making space for conversation and validating students’ concerns, the next step is returning to the important academic work of the classroom. Children need that transition.
Predictable routines, engaging lessons, and clear expectations help restore a sense of normalcy and stability. When teachers move back into instruction with confidence, they communicate an important message: Hard things can exist in the world, and we can still learn and grow together.
Sometimes the transition is simple: “We shared some important thoughts this morning. Now let’s shift our focus to reading work.” Other times, teachers may connect the values discussed (such as kindness, courage, and helping) to the work the students are about to do. “You have discussed the importance of kindness in our conversations. That is just like how we are discussing the kindness India Opal is showing the preacher in Because of Winn Dixie.” The goal isn’t to ignore what students are feeling. It’s to acknowledge those feelings and then help students move forward.
Moving Forward Together
Sometimes, in a world that feels divisive and intense, it is hard to sit before a rug full of children and teach the next phoneme sound or math strategy. It can feel heavy to carry both the weight of the world and the responsibility of instruction. As a teacher, I’ve navigated unexpected things with students: a pandemic, a mass shooting, natural disasters, sudden deaths, serious illnesses, and more. You have navigated hard things, too. Rather than ignoring the complexities outside our classrooms, we can provide time for students to discuss their worries and calm their minds. We can point out the help and model how to walk toward hard conversations instead of away from them.
And then, once the room is steady, we teach.
Our students are watching. They are learning not only phonics and fractions, but how to respond to uncertainty, how to disagree respectfully, and how to move forward with courage.
We cannot shield them from everything. But we can show them how to look for the helpers, how to become helpers, and how to keep learning, even in the middle of hard things. We cannot completely shield children from struggles or from the truth that hard things happen. We can help them build a shield of strength and goodness, forged through small acts, kind choices, and growing courage.
