The Big Fresh May 20, 2017 Lollipop Moments

Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

A shy girl arrives at the college she has committed to attend, and is overwhelmed. Her parents are in tow for an orientation day, but she tells them she can’t do it. She will attend the day’s events only if they promise her she can go back home in the evening, planning to drop out of college before she has even begun.

Drew Dudley tells this story in his “Everyday Leadership” TED Talk. He had no knowledge of the girl’s internal turmoil. But he was also on campus that day, passing out lollipops near the student union to raise awareness for the nonprofit he worked for. He came upon the girl and others, and in a jokey move, encouraged a boy standing near her to give her a lollipop. The boy, who it turns out was just as shy as the girl, hesitated and then handed it over. Drew exclaimed to the girls’ parents, “Your daughter has been on campus for less than a day and she is ALREADY ACCEPTING CANDY FROM STRANGERS!” Everyone laughed and Drew moved on.

Four years later Drew received a note from the girl, thanking him for having a profound influence on her life. That brief incident convinced her she should stay at the college. She was now graduating, and four years later was also still dating the boy who passed along the candy. Drew had no recollection of the incident, even after receiving the letter. His point was that we all have opportunities every day to lead, in ways that have little impact on us, but more influence than we’ll ever know on the lives of others.

Drew’s lollipop moment reminded me of when I took my daughter Deanna years ago on a tour of Emerson College in downtown Boston. The school was sleekly modern and beautiful, the student guides cheerful, and the view out the windows of the Boston Common amazing. I could tell my daughter was impressed, but also overwhelmed. After the tour we stopped at the Emerson-owned cafe next door, and silently sipped bottles of water, trying to take it all in.  We felt like a couple of country bumpkins from rural Maine sitting there, two schlubs horribly out of place in the vibrant urban scene.

A beautiful young woman took the empty seat next to my daughter, and asked her where she was from and what her interests were. She explained that she was a junior, and loved the school. She offered examples of different majors that could work for Deanna, and shared charming anecdotes of life as a student on campus. Within five minutes, a car pulled up and the stranger waved goodbye with the words “I hope you come to school here.” She headed off with her boyfriend on a date.

As we watched her leave, Deanna said quietly, “I think I would like it here.” Years later she is an Emerson graduate, still working and thriving in Boston.

There are potential lollipop moments for any of us in education in the upcoming months. So many students around us are on a threshold and scared to death. It is time for them to step over into the new community of high school, or college, or even a different elementary school, and they are worried about fitting in. We can be the person, who with a five-minute conversation or chance encounter, reassures them.

I am sure that lovely girl who chatted up my daughter for a few minutes in that cafe has no recollection of that conversation years ago, just as Drew cannot remember the lollipop exchange. But I am so grateful to her for letting my daughter know she would be welcome, in a way those of us outside the community couldn’t.

What school community are you a part of? Take advantage of those lollipop moments you have to welcome shy students this summer and fall. You never know whose life path might be transformed by a moment that is seemingly insignificant at the time.

This week we share part 2 of our home/school themed newsletter. Plus more as always — enjoy!