The Big Fresh February 18, 2017 Totally

When I was 15, I was riding in my father’s truck on our way to the feed store in town to pick up some corn seed for planting. I was chatting away, telling him some story about school or sports. He listened quietly.  As we turned into the parking lot, he looked over at me. “Do you have any idea how many times you say ‘totally’ when you’re talking?”

My dad’s a straight shooter, and he doesn’t mince words. He was pointing out the obvious, which is how he rolls. But it still stung a little.

“Here’s the thing, honey,” he said.  “If you fill your sentences with words you don’t need, it sounds like you’re not sure what you want to be saying. And if you’re not sure what you want to be saying, you’re not ready to say it.”

I argued with him, of course. “I am sure of what I want to say,” I told him. “It’s just how I talk.  It’s how my friends talk, too. We all say ‘totally’ all the time.  It’s just something we do. It’s how we talk.”

He pulled the truck into a parking spot, shifted into neutral, and pulled the parking brake. He shut off the engine and thought for a moment. “Well, it doesn’t work,” he said. “When you say ‘totally’ every fifth word, it’s annoying, and people stop listening.” Another pause. “Besides, it doesn’t make you sound very smart.”

I knew he must feel strongly about this, because of the many qualities my father values in people, being smart is one of the most important. He didn’t like it one little bit that I sounded unintelligent.

So I began paying attention to myself as I spoke, and sure enough, I was saying totally a lot. And it made me sound like a ditzy, overly dramatic little girl rather than the person I wanted to be—someone who was insightful, funny, capable of effective communication, and smart. I made a conscious effort to eliminate totally from my vocabulary.

It wasn’t the last time my father pointed out when I’d fallen into a bad habit with my speech and conversation, in part because he pays attention to that sort of thing, and in part because he’s not afraid to point it out. In college, he told me I was overusing like. In grad school, he heard me overusing literally.  He said, “When you say, ‘I am so thirsty I am literally going to die,’ you’re doing two things that you shouldn’t—overusing a word you don’t need, and using it incorrectly.”  Pause. “Because you are not, in fact, going to die.”

It’s easy to fall into bad patterns of speech based on the habits and patterns of those around us. I’ve been susceptible to this my whole life; it’s an ongoing fight I have with myself.  I didn’t become immune to it simply because I largely eliminated totally, like, or literally from my vocabulary. I still have to pay attention and keep working at it.

Just last week, I presented at our state’s administrator conference. As I spoke, I listened to myself and was dismayed at how many times I said um when I was searching for the right word to put into my presentation. I made a conscious effort to stop.

I don’t know what new slang habit I will pick up, but I’ll continue to pay close attention to my patterns of speech.  Being an effective communicator requires a constant readjusting of what we say and how we say it.

This week we look at ways to integrate word study naturally into workshop routines. Plus more as always — enjoy!