The Big Fresh April 11, 2015 Perspective

It was a day my mother’s dementia was weighing heavily on me.  Donna, a caregiver, must have seen it in my eyes.  She joined me.

I said, “I don’t know how you do this job day in and day out.  It is just so hard, so sad.”

Donna replied, “It depends on how you look at it.”

“It feels like I am saying goodbye to her every time I see her.  It is like reliving her death, the death of the relationship I hold dear, every day.  How else can I view it?” I asked.

“You can view it as saying goodbye each time, or you can view it as getting the rare opportunity to relive getting to know her for the first time again and again.”

The wisdom in these words is incredible to me.  I now see my mother and her dementia in a new way. I am still sad, but my mother is just happy to meet me every day.  She is not forgetting her daughter, she is just meeting a nice person who visits her.  She is happily surprised to see me every day.

Hello or goodbye.
Forget or get to know.
Strength or weakness.
Shy or thoughtful.
Active or engaged.
Assertive or rude.
Helpful or overbearing.
Stressed or invigorated. 

It is all about perspective.  So many things are about perspective and how we choose to view them.  We have the power to choose how we will view the world.

I had the privilege of seeing Lucy Calkins speak recently.  She encouraged the entire audience to “hit the reset button” and remember that teaching is our life’s work. Her message, to me, was also about perspective.  When we hit the reset button we can shift our perspective and author our own meaning.  We may not have the power to change what is happening, but we do have the power to determine how we will interpret, respond to, and ultimately inspire those around us.